So this will be my reflection on the past...events i guess.


It's funny though. i have all these emotions and feelings built up inside me but i have no idea how to express them. more than likely some people will be put down but hey...these people have been putting me down so it's their turn to be in my shoes.


First off...I'd like to say that high school really changes you. Coming from public schools, you lose and gain friends continuously and there's really no way to avoid that. Transitioning from middle school to high school was a difficult time for me. I was changing locations. Classes were going to be different because of the programs that were offered. and most of all, friendships were going to be shifted around.


There was one person in middle school that i loved. she was like a sister to me. We would hang out a few times a week, go shopping, gossip, etc. Then when high school came up over the horizon, she and i both changed. She was in the International Studies program and i was doing a few honor courses as well as regular classes, and JROTC. She met new people, i met new people. Basically, our friendship fell apart. We did have a few classes together and we did hang out some at the local starbucks, but basically, the relationship we had was nonexistent.


This gap continued to grow. She became the popular, soccer wonder, while i was in the background not really doing anything. We grew apart over the years and now, she barely says hi to me.


It hurts though. She used to be my best friend but now...she's someone else's and she barely notices me.


In a way, i have changed since middle school. My fashion sense has changed, i party more, go to local band's concerts and hang out with people who are...odd. maybe i'm more like them than i thought.


part of me wishes i could go back to the beginning of high school and start it all over. part of me wishes i was like those girls who leave and go to willy's after school with all the guys, who have boyfriends, who...are pretty.


maybe that's it. i'm self-conscious and i have a hard time doing stuff with other people because of it. i wish there was someway i could get over that step. right now, i'm just looking at it with hopeful eyes. actually, i've always wondered if i would ever be accepted into their group of friends but now that the school year is over, i realize that i never will be.


i'll probably look back on this entry 10 years from now and laugh cause i'm being like a stupid teenage girl who has basically no life.


i dont know. i guess i have nothing else to say. if i do i'll post some more.

whoops.


so last time i wrote in here i talked about that crazy but amazing night i had with my two guy friends. but what i forgot to make a blog about was my wild night at Luby's Bar and Grill up in Lawrenceville for St. Paddy's Day. so that's what this blog will be dedicated to...


ok so what started out as a night of misdirections and drunken people driving around, turned into one of the best nights of my life. every time i think about it i just have to smile and laugh.

started out with me going up 85 towards lawrenceville...well, i ended up getting off at the wrong exit and it took me to god knows where. not where i needed to be though. i stopped at three gas stations who all gave me bad directions on how to get to lawernceville hwy. turns out that i didnt even have to get to that road. anyways, i ended up calling my buddy Keith who then handed the phone over to Kyle who got me to Luby's...thank god. well the party was in full swing when i walked in but i quickly found my friends and they immediately put a green beer into my hands and told me to drink up lol. what responsible friends they are. well after playing pool for a bit we all (like 15 of us) headed over to the actual stage area to watch the mandrake theory perform. awesome band btw. i'm friends with the drummer. anyways...after they performed unknown soul got set up. they are also another awesome band. while they were setting up, i got a drink called a hurricane. who knows what was in it but wow...it was good. once the band started playing i started loosening up...well mind you, i did have three beers and a hurricane in my system lol. so they played. did an great job and then i left. the drive home was wild as well cause i was tipsy but still...never a good thing. but yeah...i did leave out some details, but that was the jist of it.


last week my parents were out of town like i mentioned before. nothing happened. i mean, i didnt go anywhere and no one came over so it was pretty boring.


my english written tests are next week and i'm a little scared. week after that is history and then week after that is econ and then last week of school is french. i'm nervous but whatever. senior exams are 14th and 15th and graduation practice starts the 16th. should be fun, but i still have to get those two classes up to a 70 so that i can actually graduate.


but yeah. i'm heading off to bed now...so...night!!

...and surely more to come.


had my english orals last thurs. got a passage from The Scarlet Letter and i completely bombed that shit. i don't even remember what the hell i was talking about. some made up shit i'm sure.


briggs is a jackass. that's it. finale. over and done with.


last friday was fucking amazing. i had an awesome night with two of my guy buddies. we went and saw Love's Labour's Lost at the Shakespeare Tavern. the play was okay i guess. i didn't really follow it cause i had two crazy guys sitting next to me and a bottle of red wine in front of me. i think that was my only weakness. anyways...we laughed, joked around, got slightly tipsy, but overall it was a fun evening. we ended up leaving early cause they had to drive out to Kennesaw to pick up some sound equipment and i ended up driving out to Marietta to visit a friend. well...i got so fucking stoned it was crazy. we started out just watching the planes fly overhead but then after a while all the stars started to look like planes. lmao. but then yeah...i ended up driving home at 2:00 in the morning. thank god i wasnt pulled over. i did experience first hand spacing out while i was driving. still have no clue how the hell i got home though. lol. ended up going to waffle house and eating but then my mom called at 3 so i raced home. thank god she didnt notice i was still fucked up lmao. all she really did was tell me that coming home after 3 was a bad idea especially since she had no idea where the fuck i was or who i was with. but all in all it was pretty eventful.


two weeks after my spring break my parents are going out of town for a whole fucking week!! i'm psyched!! but yeah...it should be fun.


but yeah...that's about it for now. oh that and i'm failing three classes two of which i need to pass in order to graduate. hopefully i can pull up my grades so i CAN get out of high school.


so i'm off to do make up work and shit. bye!!

yeah ignore that post. it turned out to be untrue.


so a month has gone by. i went on a date with a total jackass who i actually knew about 3 years ago. turned out he never did want a relationship with me. oh well...i stole his ring. lol.


IB orals are upon us. had my french oral two weeks ago and english orals are this week. didn't do so well on french but i'm hoping for a passage i like for english. i'm praying like hell lol.


i found the perfect dress i want to wear to the Black, Silver & Red Hot Jazz Gala. it's red and slinky. no it's not silk. it just hangs nice.


umm...briggs wants to get back into a relationship with me. all i want to say is fuck that shit and slap him. been talking to him for like 2 days now and he's already lied. what a total fucker.


ummm...nothing else has really been happening. i'll post more often though.

it sucks. lateness came once a few years ago but i didn't really take any notice of it. now...i'm worried. i mean this lateness could cause some major problems. first i don't know who he would be. i mean it could be one or the other. i just don't know. then i don't know how this lateness happened. i mean i thought that couldn't make it. now i'm not sure. i thought it was caused by stress at first but now it's been a while. who knows. then there is the other problem of which both are not ready. one i wish it was...the other...not so much. oh well. one way or another i'll get through this period of lateness.

wow. no update in a long time. i guess i spend too much time loving my myspace blog. soon those entries will come here. just have to find time to transfer them.

so let's see...what is new in my life. hmm....
- i've decided to take a year off between my high school and college years. i will hopefully be in europe by the fall. still need to apply to the program though.
- i've given up on guys. first, they can't be trusted and second, they are jackasses. well most of them are.
- i hate IB. well mostly the work. but since when have i ever liked doing something i'm either not good at or dont want to do?
- finally...i have french orals at the end of this month and english orals at the end of next month. both of which i'm not prepared for. ugh.


also...since i havent posted since LAST YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.


my valentine's day sucked once again. i thought i would have a date or something but nope...he decided to go out with TWO girls instead of me. oh well...his loss.



what else can i say? oh...i'm 18 now!! woohoo!! i can legally drive, buy ciggs, and do other shit now. i'm so happy.


ok well i'm really tired and i'm getting my haircut tomorow so....night.

ok so yeah. it's been a week...and A LOT has changed.


he lied. well actually that's not new...but now he knows that i know that he's been lying to me SINCE the beginning. and i could care less about him. he says he's "engaged" to her. well good luck with that.

y'all are gonna have some ugly ass babies who will one day be WHORES like their mom...and LIARS like their dad. so whatever. i don't want that.


but yeah. i really need to rewrite my Lit paper and work on my art project so...i'll keep y'all updated. muah.

...it goes bad.


i think i totally fucked up a relationship just now. all because of my stupid big mouth and my jumping-to-conclusions problem. fuckkk.


hopefully it'll all turn out to be okay.



now back to writing my papers and having conversations at the same time. night.

well he's told me that he and his girlfriend are over for good and that he only wants me...so hopefully it'll last.

i realize that i've been contradicting myself for the past like...month but whatever. i am allowed to do that cause feelings and actions do change.


i love music. it's a major part of my life.

my top bands and Staind, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Hinder, Crossfade, Evanescence, etc. basically any band played on 99X. wow. i love that station. if you've never heard 99X and you love rock/metal/alternative music, go to www.99x.com and listen to them. they fucking rock. and i love the DJ for the 7PM to 12AM shift. he is so funny even when he says he's serious. wow.


ok well i'm off to dream about World Lit papers, Orals, and Extended Essays. yippee!! (not)

this past weekend i was up in Jasper, GA with my Young Life group.  we stayed at SharpTop which was this huge camp-like place.  it was an amazing trip.  i really bonded well with the girls in our cabin and learned something about each of them.  over all it was an amazing trip and i had an awesome time.  i'll post up photos later.